at the beginning of this semester, one of my teachers asked in the introductory class what all of us wanted to do with our lives and one of the answers given by the students was to live life to the fullest. i couldnt help but laugh to myself upon hearing that answer, you know, like hello how much more generic can you get? at that time, i so wished that some kind soul could save me from having to waste 2 hours of my life away listening to things which would have made no difference to anyone whether said or unsaid.
today, that highly detestable phrase ('to live life to the fullest') suddenly came back to me, pushing myself into the 'thinking' mode and making me doubt the perceived meanings of the things i have been doing lately. and then all the most negative thoughts which had long been buried in the darkest corner of my mind just became so live and real when i, again, started to question whether i had been living for myself or for other people.
i always say that i am a very independent person but i must admit that being completely independent is an impossible task since everyone of us living in this world relies on others, in one way or another. though seemingly independent, my emotions are easily affected by people around me and that is probably my worst weakness. why do i have to care about others? why can't i live MY life the way i want to? why must some people force their way into MY life and dictate the way MY life should be?
i really wish i would be able to live without a worry one day. i really wish i would be able to live freely one day. i really wish i would be able to live for myself one day.
just one day.
well, i sincerely apologise if i have, by accident, indirectly insulted anyone in this post (you know, you may be an advocate of living life to the fullest or something) but these are just my random thoughts on an emotional night, so please do not take them personally.
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